My photo
Subang Jaya, Selangor, Malaysia
Currently 24. I enjoy editing videos. I've been broken, I've been bruised. But that won't stop me, from making my dreams come true. Say or do whatever you want about me 'cause I couldn't care less.

Sunday, 6 September 2015

My World Revolves Around You

      I'm not gonna lie to you. I miss you. Things are just not the same for me anymore.. I barely eat, I barely sleep. You're on my mind 24/7. I cry at night.. I stared into space for hours. It's like I'm slowly losing my mind.. And the fact that you're doing just fine without me, makes me feel utterly useless..

       I crave for your attention.. I crave for your morning and goodnight texts.. How you used to miss me.. And how much you loved me.. I know I'm not perfect, but I struggled day and day just to keep you satisfied.. To me you're perfect. I wouldn't change a thing about you, but I'd change everything about me just for you.. I wish you'd just see how much you mean to me..

        I mean we're perfect for each other.. Our families accepted one another. We have the same thoughts and way of thinking. We wanted to marry each other.. What happened to us... We cared about each other.. Why does this has to happen.. You were the only girl I see.. Only one i think of, and the only one I love faithfully.. Sigh... I'm broken.. So broken..

        I'd do anything for you.. When we were sick, we took care of each other. When we were hungry, we fed one another. When we're sad, we were there for each other. We're not perfect, but we were perfect for each other..  Now you don't need me anymore.. You're doing great on your own.. And I'm still miserable in this ditch.. I wish you could see.. I wish you'd open your eyes..

       You were the best thing that has ever happened to me.. You're my best friend.. You know everything there is to know about me.. Everything.. You taught me almost everything, but you never taught me how to live without you. Why did you gave me up... We sacrificed everything for one another.. Why give up halfway... We were just at the tip of our relationship.. We haven't even reach the best part..

       I know I'm expendable.. I'm replaceable.. We worked hard for each other.. We showed efforts to keep one anoher.. Wasn't that enough.. Fighting is a part of being in a relationship.. It's how you get to know each other even better.. I'm hot tempered, could barely control my anger.. I'm 24... It's my early adult stage.. Now I am at my worst.. And you've seen some of my best, but those are just minors.. I'm not perfect.. We coped with each others attitudes, thoughts and habits.. We accepted each other whole..

        And yes even 7 years of relationship could crumble, but that is just negative thinking.. Learn from those relationships.. We learn of each other every single day.. That's how relationships stay strong and firm.. They support one another.. Not chicken out half way... Yes i have issues, i might be lazy in your eyes.. But i have never thought negatively of you.. I only kept your positive sides.. Because you are a great person, as a friend and as a partner.. If only you knew how much you meant to me.. If you knew how real my affections towards you.. If only you knew that I was serious about us... You wouldn't have walked away, and still be here with me..

       I loved you, in all of your forms.. When you were at your best, and especially when you are at your worst.. When you're mad at me for the silliest reasons, when you screamed at me, when you said you hated me, when you say the harshest words possible.. It didn't even change the way I love you like i did for the last 2 years. Because i take you whole.. Everything about you.. I accepted all the goods and the bads..

     I wish you could do the same... I wish.. Now we're walking on different paths.. And I'm just glad you're happier now.. You deserve to be happy.. No more naggings from me, getting annoyed by my over protective attitude, no more hot tempers, no more infant jealousy..

       I'm sorry you had to go through this for 2 years, and it was all a waste of your time.. I'm sorry I couldn't be that perfect guy you've always wanted.. Sorry you had to put up with all my shenanigans.. I'm truly sorry..

       Live a happy life, don't think of me.. I'll be fine.. You do what you have to do. You know what's best for you.. You deserve the best. Because you're the best.

       Thank you for everything that you have given me.. I can never repay them.. You have my gratitude..

        And if one day we cross paths again, I swear I'll love you right. I'll ask for your hand in marriage. I'll never give up on you. I never have.

No matter what, in the near future if you're in trouble, or just need someone to talk to, I'm here for you. Always will be.

I love you, from the deepest part of my soul.

May he watch over you. Amin.

Thursday, 3 September 2015


            21. 04. 2013. It's the day we chose as our day of 'promise' which in hope that, someday we could turn into something more than just a promise, a 'bond'. Truth be told, I didn't even like her at first, I knew nothing of her, she wasn't 'my type' hahahah. But as I get to see her day and day, as I get to know her more and more, and I thought to myself, 'shit, I'm in love with this girl'. She and I are 7 years apart, how could we fall for each other?

            I'm a hopeless romantic, I don't know how to win a woman's heart, I'm not even a gentleman. But I made the effort to win her heart, because I know how worth she is. She's priceless. Every day when I get the chance to see her, I'd buy her chocolates. Even if she didn't came for the night, I'll pass it to her brother to give it to her. And hey, she started to notice me, and I was really afraid of getting rejected hahaha. Told you I'm a hopeless romantic.

           Things was really going great, she started to share her stories, her dreams, even her secrets with me. To me that's a big thing, for someone to share a part of hrrself with you, now that's gratification. We started to notice we had a lot in common, from the way we think, we speak the same things at once, to the way we crack jokes, and best of all, our birthdays are only 2 days apart. That's a really big thing that we both share in common.

           It was two weeks into knowing each other, and I couldn't help myself, I have to tell her I love her. "But what if she doesn't feel the way I do?" "Screw it, I have to let her know, that I love her." I said to myself. 
And so I picked up the phone and called her, and i said, "I li-li-like you Ain." I blew it hahahahahah! It was like you're standing at the edge of the mountain. Heart's racing, hands were sweating. She was flattered, she giggled. But she didn't replied my confession -_-. And long before I know it, she accepted me as her boyfriend. It was the happiest I've ever been.

          Minutes turn to hours, hours turn to days, days turn to weeks, and weeks turn into months. We couldn't be apart, 24/7 we would be together, on the phone, face to face, hanging out, enjoy life together. We were in our honeymoon period. And it was the best I've ever experienced. We'd cook together, watch movies, take walks, feed each other, took care of each others. It was the best moments of my life. I was happy again, something I thought wasn't possible for 4 years. She bring out the best in me. She was there for me when no one else was. And she had my back through the edges

            But then I started to show her my true side, I made her cry, we often bicker, we screamed at each other, we broke each other's hearts...
I started to see her ugly side.. She saw mine.. But that's the best part of our relationship, no matter how bad we fought, no matter how bad things get, we always stayed true and through. That's when I know she's worth it. Because something easy won't last, and something last won't come easy. We struggled, we crawled.. But she has always had my heart. She never gave up..

              Months turn to years... She's finally had enough of me.. Of my bad temper, of my bad attitudes, of my insensitivity... She was my light, she was my doctor, my cook, my advisor, my therapist, and best of all she was my best friend.. Now she's gone.. All that's left are just fragments of our memories.. I cried for days and weeks.. I was distraught and very depressed.. I tried to convince her that she loves me, somehow try to find in her heart, that there is still space for me.. But I lost her. She understood me, she cared for me, she watched over me. But I guess enough is enough.. She had to go through with my mishaps and bad examples.. I am truly sorry..

             I can never find another like you. You changed my life. You helped shape me. Someone who poured so much into me, who had faith in me, who believed in me that we could be something more.. I ruined it.. He sent me a beautiful Angel.. Who is kind, full of compassion, filled with hope, and stayed true to me 'till the end. I'm sorry I broke your fragile heart.. I'm sorry for my insensitivity..  I'm sorry for everything.. I love you Ain, with all my heart. To this day, I'm still hoping for you to love me the way you did 2 years ago.. I can't change the past, what's done is done. All I can do now is wait and hope for the best.. 

            No matter what has happened between us. Know that when you have no one else to turn to, when you have no where to go, when you need a shoulder to cry on. I'll be here for you.. Because I know what it feels like to have the whole world turned against you. Know that I'm here, I'm here for you. Thank you for all the memories we shared, the laughter and attention, and the undivided heart and soul you gave me. I appreciate all of it. Not a day I regretted being with you. Moments with you, is what I cherish most.. I pray and wish for all the good things in life for you. Thank you Ain, for being there for me from the start. I'll always care about you, worry about you, watch over you and think about you. I miss us so bad... Forevermore you'll always have a special place in my heart, just for you. Maybe love will find us again, for there is always tomorrow ;)

I am proud to call you my best friend :)

                   I love you, forever & always.

                    Farain 21.04.13

Wednesday, 2 September 2015

Love is Beautiful

I came across this touching story on facebook. And I think it deserve to be read by lovers all around. Read it, I assure you it'll be worth your time ;)

My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce. “Why?” he asked, shocked. “I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!” I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times. My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can’t even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him? And finally he asked me:” What can I do to change your mind?” Somebody said it right, it’s hard to change a person’s personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him. Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : “Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let’s say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?” He said :” I will give you your answer tomorrow….” My hopes just sank by listening to his response. I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes…. My dear, “I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further..” This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading. “When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs. You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way. You always have the cramps whenever your “good friend” approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy. You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom. You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand… and tell you the color of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face… Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do… I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. ” My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting… and as I continue on reading… “Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk… I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread…. Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone… That’s life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness. Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands… and that’s our life… Love, not words win arguments… -